I was laid off from my job of 22 years in January of 2011. I was initially upset because I did love my job and enjoyed doing it, but I realized that I could use a little time off to continue recovering from my cancer. I was still pretty tired and having time to recover would be great. After a few months of recovering, I was not just sleeping I was working on my resume and doing some initial job hunting or more likely figuring out what I wanted to do, I began applying for jobs. I did not get any responses to my applications and wound up redoing my resume and rethinking the kinds of jobs I was applying for.
Job hunting is way more exhausting and stressful than working. I would rather have a job and work that to hunt for one any day. The economy did not help since there were more people applying for jobs than jobs available. I do admit I was and still am pretty stressed out about finding a job. I have had to expand my search and try to figure out other jobs that I can do. Now I have many years of retail experience and I could probably get a job in retail easily....the only problem is the dress code. OSHA requires that people in certain industries, like retail are required to wear closed toe shoes so that you don't drop anything on your feet and hurt yourself. The problem I have is my lymphadema, anything that covers the top of my foot causes pain. The top of my foot always feels like it is bruised. The next problem is my toes, they kind of point up so the nail hits the toe of the shoe and makes the nails feel tender. I have been on a hunt to find closed toe shoes that don't cause problems. I have looked for the softest material, the kind with the most give, but every time I think I have found a pair, it never works out. I know you are thinking, get a size bigger, I have done that and also wider shoes. Nothing seems to work. So, I continue to wear my sandals all year round...good thing I live in Southern California. It really does not help in my job hunt. So I need to find an office job....so the search continues.....
Monday, June 30, 2014
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Time Flies
Wow! I can't believe my last post was almost two years ago. It seems like yesterday that I wrote that post. I did stop writing for a little while because I was spending most of my time searching for a job. I was getting to the end of my resources and I was not really getting any responses to my job applications. I was on my computer almost every waking hour. It was almost like I was afraid to get off the computer because that could be the time that a job would come along. I know that is not logical and that I really needed to get off the computer occasionally for my own mental health. Unfortunately, I did not listen to my own advice and spent even more time on the computer, if that was possible. Well the months went by and I was getting more desperate. Then I had a thought, I have a 401k that I could cash out or borrow against, like I said, I was desperate.
I cashed out my 401k in April. With this money, I should have another year to find a job. Things don't always turn out the way you plan. I got the check in the mail, I was so relieved. I drove down to the bank and deposited the money, then I decided that I wanted to get some lunch on the way home. I decided on KFC, I pulled my car into the drive through lane and then it happened....I had one of the worst panic attacks that I have ever had. I made the cars in the drive through lane back up so I could get my car out...I got out of my car and I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest....I was shaking so hard and could barely breathe. I must have stood there shaking for at least a half hour and then started to wonder how I was going to get home. I would need to get back into my car ......that thought nearly sent me back into a panic. I decided that maybe a distraction would help me get home without sending me back into a panic, so I went into KFC and got the food that I had been planning to get. I got back into the car, putting on the seatbelt was out of the question....I nibbled on a biscuit while I drove, it distracted me a little bit...at least enough to get home.
This was my worst and most long lasting panic attack ever. I was unable to drive for the first week after my attack, after that I was barely able to get to the grocery store that was a block away. It took me more than a month before I was able to get a couple of miles down the road without panicking. It took three months to be able to get to a friend's house, only using side streets. There were other effects of this panic attack too, it created the biggest and most long lasting creative block that I have ever experienced. I could not create my jewelry, I could not write my blogs or anything else, and worst of all, I was unable to look for a job without setting off another attack. All that money to give myself more time to find a job and now I could not even do that! My stepmother needed some help doing administrative work for her real estate company, so at least I had some work, though not enough to live on, but at least it was some money coming in and I felt like I was at least doing something.
Other than that, I was still dealing with the creative block. Finally, towards the end of the year, I was able to start job hunting again. Still no luck, but I was trying to keep calm and not get myself into the same situation as last year. I found out my Mom was going to come and visit me in March, for my birthday. I started to panic and try to figure out how I was going to get to the airport and pick her up....I had not been on the freeway since before my panic attack, so more than a year! I kept running scenarios in my head, but I knew I would somehow have to brave the freeway, it was the best way to get there. I guess I was lucky that my Mom's flight was delayed and would not be in until evening...the freeway was relatively empty! I was able to pick her up and while she was here we drove all around. Now I did take side streets to get to wherever we went, I was not going to attempt the freeway during the daytime! My problem was not being in the car, my panic starts when the car is stopped in traffic or at a light. I will still not get onto the freeway by choice, but I do feel a little more confident.
I am still looking for a job, but in May I found out that my cat has diabetes. Now I sure did not have the extra money to pay for a trip to the vet and the tests and medications, but I had to find some way to help my cat! He was getting to the point where he had trouble walking, and all the research that I did pointed to diabetic neuropathy. I have a lot of cat friends on facebook and I have seen them do auctions and things to raise money for vet bills, and I thought that would be a great idea! I could ask for people to purchase my jewelry and put the money to Loki's bills. I have a lot of awesome friends that made purchases to help my cat. Now the problem was my creative block...I had forced myself to make a few things during the holidays, but nothing that was creative or felt right. Somehow, knowing this was for Loki just broke my creative block, I was getting ideas again and I was enjoying creating new designs. I can't believe it took a year for me to be able to create again. As you can see by this post, my other creative impulses are coming back. I am still looking for a job, but maybe things are looking up. I had my first job interview two weeks ago...I think that things may turn around for me.
But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
I cashed out my 401k in April. With this money, I should have another year to find a job. Things don't always turn out the way you plan. I got the check in the mail, I was so relieved. I drove down to the bank and deposited the money, then I decided that I wanted to get some lunch on the way home. I decided on KFC, I pulled my car into the drive through lane and then it happened....I had one of the worst panic attacks that I have ever had. I made the cars in the drive through lane back up so I could get my car out...I got out of my car and I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest....I was shaking so hard and could barely breathe. I must have stood there shaking for at least a half hour and then started to wonder how I was going to get home. I would need to get back into my car ......that thought nearly sent me back into a panic. I decided that maybe a distraction would help me get home without sending me back into a panic, so I went into KFC and got the food that I had been planning to get. I got back into the car, putting on the seatbelt was out of the question....I nibbled on a biscuit while I drove, it distracted me a little bit...at least enough to get home.
This was my worst and most long lasting panic attack ever. I was unable to drive for the first week after my attack, after that I was barely able to get to the grocery store that was a block away. It took me more than a month before I was able to get a couple of miles down the road without panicking. It took three months to be able to get to a friend's house, only using side streets. There were other effects of this panic attack too, it created the biggest and most long lasting creative block that I have ever experienced. I could not create my jewelry, I could not write my blogs or anything else, and worst of all, I was unable to look for a job without setting off another attack. All that money to give myself more time to find a job and now I could not even do that! My stepmother needed some help doing administrative work for her real estate company, so at least I had some work, though not enough to live on, but at least it was some money coming in and I felt like I was at least doing something.
Other than that, I was still dealing with the creative block. Finally, towards the end of the year, I was able to start job hunting again. Still no luck, but I was trying to keep calm and not get myself into the same situation as last year. I found out my Mom was going to come and visit me in March, for my birthday. I started to panic and try to figure out how I was going to get to the airport and pick her up....I had not been on the freeway since before my panic attack, so more than a year! I kept running scenarios in my head, but I knew I would somehow have to brave the freeway, it was the best way to get there. I guess I was lucky that my Mom's flight was delayed and would not be in until evening...the freeway was relatively empty! I was able to pick her up and while she was here we drove all around. Now I did take side streets to get to wherever we went, I was not going to attempt the freeway during the daytime! My problem was not being in the car, my panic starts when the car is stopped in traffic or at a light. I will still not get onto the freeway by choice, but I do feel a little more confident.
I am still looking for a job, but in May I found out that my cat has diabetes. Now I sure did not have the extra money to pay for a trip to the vet and the tests and medications, but I had to find some way to help my cat! He was getting to the point where he had trouble walking, and all the research that I did pointed to diabetic neuropathy. I have a lot of cat friends on facebook and I have seen them do auctions and things to raise money for vet bills, and I thought that would be a great idea! I could ask for people to purchase my jewelry and put the money to Loki's bills. I have a lot of awesome friends that made purchases to help my cat. Now the problem was my creative block...I had forced myself to make a few things during the holidays, but nothing that was creative or felt right. Somehow, knowing this was for Loki just broke my creative block, I was getting ideas again and I was enjoying creating new designs. I can't believe it took a year for me to be able to create again. As you can see by this post, my other creative impulses are coming back. I am still looking for a job, but maybe things are looking up. I had my first job interview two weeks ago...I think that things may turn around for me.
But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
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