By the time the Oncologist came, I had determined that I just needed to take care of the situation as quickly as possible and move on with my life. I really just wanted to be past this situation. The Oncologist came in to see me and she was this tiny blonde woman. Dr R was really honest with me about what the situation was and what needed to be done. I had stage 1b cervical cancer
n stage 1B the cancerous areas are larger, but the cancer is still only in the tissues of the cervix and has not usually spread. It can usually be seen without a microscope, but not always. In stage 1B1 the cancer is no larger than 4 centimetres (cm). In stage 1B2 the cancer is larger than 4cm across. http://cancerhelp.cancerresearchuk.org
I guess I was lucky that they caught it at that stage. It had not spread beyond the cervix so that was a good sign. To keep it from spreading Dr R wanted to do a radical hysterectomy as soon as possible.
In a radical hysterectomy, a surgeon removes the whole uterus, tissue on the sides of the uterus, the cervix, and the top part of the vagina. Radical hysterectomy is generally only done when cancer is present (WebMD)
Dr R told me that she would like to leave the ovaries if she could, but that could not be determined until she could look at them. So there was a possibility that she would remove my ovaries throwing me right into menopause. She was also going to do a lymphadenectomy or lymph node removal.
Lymphadenectomy is surgery to remove lymph nodes. This surgery is done to see if cancer has spread to a lymph node. Some lymph nodes are located near the surface of the body, while others are deep in the abdomen or around organs, such as the heart or liver. Lymphadenectomy is also done to remove melanoma that has spread only to the lymph nodes and to prevent melanoma from spreading farther (WebMD)
Dr R asked me how much time I would need before surgery. I asked her to give me at least two weeks to get my projects taken care of at work and my work shifted around to other people. She said that I would get a call with my surgery date.
Now I really wanted to go home. I had a lot to do and a lot to think about. When you are feeling like your world has shifted there is no where you would rather be than home where you feel comforted. I asked the nurse when I could leave and she told me that it needed to be 24 hours after surgery, so I still had quite some time to go before I could leave. I began planning in my head all the things that needed to be done before surgery. Many people would have cried or been really lost at that point, but my coping mechanism was to put all emotion away and focus on what must be done. Suddenly the room phone begins to ring, I answered the phone and it was my Mom. The last she had heard from me was that I had an abnormal pap and had to have a colposcopy, I had told her that I would call her when I got home. With all that had happened I had completely forgotten that I promised to call. As you can guess, she was freaking out that I would up in the hospital, and things did not get better when I told her my diagnosis. I was able to calm her fears by letting her know that the doctor had said that it was only stage 1b and the prognosis was good for a complete recovery. Moms worry, and she started making plans to come out and be with me for the surgery and to stay and help me after. I love my Mom! After I got off the phone my boss and her husband showed up. It was really nice to see them, but when I explained the diagnosis they were shocked and concerned. At that point my focus was on getting through the situation, everyone that I spoke to was more emotional about it than I was.
The twenty-four hours was finally over and I got out of the hospital as quickly as possible. I hugged my cats tight when I got home! I started writing lists...my work list, all the things I needed to get done or shifted before I left; home list, all the things that I needed to get taken care of before surgery; also a call list, who needs to be kept informed of my status when I come out of surgery. I did get the call during that week, my surgery was scheduled for Tuesday, April 13th. Three weeks is all I had left before surgery!!
I had so much to do and so little time that those three weeks just flew by! I did not tell many people about the surgery, only my family and a few friends knew. I did not even tell my facebook friends until the last minute. I don't know why, I guess I did not want to talk about the cancer. Now I wish I had talked to them about it, I may have been able to release some of the fears that I was keeping behind this wall of focus. Every time someone would ask me about how I was feeling, I would brush it off and act strong. I was fine, it would be over soon and I could get back to normal. The only one that I talked to about my real feelings was God, I put my faith in Him and I knew I would be ok. With everyone else I needed to be strong, with God I could be me.
My Mom and Stepfather came out on the Saturday before surgery. I was happy to see them, but I guess it was finally sinking through that I would be having surgery in a few days. I was able to spend a nice Saturday with them, but Sunday I started getting a little irritable. I was not upset with them, but I must have been getting a little nervous and that is how it presented itself. Monday was a rough day for me. I needed to go to the hospital for pre-op and bloodwork which I took care of first thing. The rest of the day would be miserable, since this was going to be a radical surgery I would need to do a bowel cleanse. I had to drink a laxative powder dissolved into gatorade, not a glass but two full gatorade containers. I can't even look at gatorade without shuddering now! No one likes an audience while they have to do this so I told my Mom and Stepfather to go out to dinner, another reason was I was not allowed to eat anything and did not want to smell food cooking. After several horrific hours I was pretty sure I was completely empty. I got my bag together for the hospital. I had a book and my ipod, snacks and other things to amuse myself with and of course, the most important thing, a really soft pillow. Everything I had read recommended that I get a really soft pillow that I could hold to my stomach after surgery. It would also be necessary for the car ride home. So I was ready. I had everything that I thought I would need. I needed to be at the hospital at 5am for check in, so I went to bed early. Now I didn't say I went to sleep...too much on my mind. I must have eventually dozed off and when the alarm went off I opened my eyes and knew today was the day. I really wanted that cancerous monster removed from my body, but surgery was a scary proposition. I had never been cut open before and did not know what to expect. How bad was the pain going to be? There was no putting it off, I got up and got dressed. I french braided my hair, after the rats nest of knots my hair was in after the first surgery I wanted to keep it under control. We got in the car and left for the hospital......
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